Day 60

A wash of red pain, and I'm twisting in my sleep
Brought to wakefulness by the agony
My eyes meet the relentless light of morning
With disdain and irritation

I turn the water on, and it is as hot as I can bear
As it pulses over tear stained cheeks,
I watch it funnel down the drain
Taking with it the sorrow of the morning

Day 59

The words I find are insignificant
when compared to the emotions I feel
I long to release the frustration, the sorrow, the bittersweet joy
But lack the eloquence to do so

I am made mute by these feelings...
so I drown in them, and find solace in comforting arms
And hope that today is the hardest of this process
That the healing will start soon, and the pain will start to ease

Day 58

Exhaustion is a heavy blanket
Wrapped around my aching body
My mind weary and overwhelmed by
Grief and fear of uncertainties to come
But in this night, he will wrap himself around me
My respite from the harshness of the unknown

Day 57

Tears spill down my cheeks
The winter wind beyond the window
Is bitter as my breaking heart

Day 56

I am experimenting with poetic forms, which I've never done before (aside from the haiku it seems everyone must write at some point in school). This form is called a triolet, and this one is for my beloved husband, whom I could never thank enough.

I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace
Untouched by even the darkest night
I am aglow in love's pure light
And nothing else could be as right
As your gentle lips upon my face
I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace

Day 55

We started our relationship with Rhy one year ago today... it has me thinking.

Many couples wouldn't have been strong enough to survive what we tried. Inviting a third into your lives is insane... but love is rarely logical or sane, and love was there for all of us.

A year later, we survived... she lived with us for six months. We broke up with her, and she moved out. We're trying to work on things now, but instead of any of that causing strife for him and I, our marriage is stronger than ever. We appreciate each other more than we ever could've without having had her in our lives. No matter what happens where she and "we" are concerned, this will be the legacy of our relationship with her... it's made him and I stronger. It's made me realize how truly special we are... how rare that sort of love is, and how much it has defined my life, and made me a better person.

And so, today... I post the poems he and I read to each other on our wedding day.

His poem to me:

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~Pablo Neruda

My poem to him: 

Before you kissed me only winds of heaven
Had kissed me, and the tenderness of rain -
Now you have come, how can I care for kisses
Like theirs again?
I sought the sea, she sent her winds to meet me,
They surged about me singing of the south -
I turned my head away to keep still holy
Your kiss upon my mouth.
And swift sweet rains of shining April weather
Found not my lips where living kisses are;
I bowed my head lest they put out my glory
As rain puts out a star.
I am my love's and he is mine forever,
Sealed with a seal and safe forevermore -
Think you that I could let a beggar enter
Where a king stood before?

~Sara Teasdale


I love you, baby... you are everything I need.

Day 54

My love, you are my life...
It is your breath that fills my lungs
I find my strength in the power of your devotion
When the world crashes down on me,
Your hand on mine rescues me from the pain

I do not know who I'd be without you
Without this love that has gently molded the contours of my existence
Your love surrounds me, shrouds me and I am protected
When the serenity of that protection breaks, you heal me with a touch
With a look of love that time can only intensify