Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Day 61
Grief comes in waves that wash over me. I am pulled down by the strength of this overwhelming pain. I gasp for air... his hands, strong and sure, reach for me and pull me free. We repeat this dance of sorrow again and again. It has only been two days. I (we) have lost so much.
I cry for what was, and for what could've been. I believed, and that belief was shattered.
She will love again, eventually, anew. I do not envy the process she will go through to get there, and yet... I will love her forever. There will be no one new for me.
But I have him, and all we share... the vastness, the beauty. The unadulterated joy found in hours of conversation, or of just being together. So, I do not need to love anew, for I love still, on a level most only dream of experiencing. This love was hers, too... his for me and mine for him... we loved her in this complete way, the only way we know how to love. She has lost that.
In her there is amazing beauty, but like a celebrated sculpture of a civilization long since gone, her beauty is marred by the years. Life hasn't been kind to her, and perhaps what we had to offer her was too much too soon. She does not see the worthiness I have seen... until she believes, there is little that can be done.
Forever is one of those words that's as wonderful as it is vicious. Forever he and I are bound to each other, linked by love that is endless and grows daily. Forever we have parted from her, no longer her lovers...
We are learning a new routine, a new rhythm. The dance has changed suddenly, and the things we shared and spoke are no longer appropriate to share and speak. As we awkwardly move from love to friendship, I can't help but wonder how long it will hurt so badly.
How long will I fight this grief that washes over me, often at unexpected times? I know that no matter how long it takes, he will pull me out time and time again. He will love me, and I will remain whole because of him.
I will always love her, whether or not she remains in our lives. I will always love him, and he will be by my side until the end of time. He is my comfort, my grace... he is all that is good in my life. He is all I've ever needed and more than I deserve.
I hold tightly to him at night, and as my eyes close, I am so glad, so grateful that I took the chance. I did not let fear or my wounded soul interfere, and I fought to keep him when it mattered most. I knew what I had found in him... and there was simply no way I'd ever let it go.
I cry for what was, and for what could've been. I believed, and that belief was shattered.
She will love again, eventually, anew. I do not envy the process she will go through to get there, and yet... I will love her forever. There will be no one new for me.
But I have him, and all we share... the vastness, the beauty. The unadulterated joy found in hours of conversation, or of just being together. So, I do not need to love anew, for I love still, on a level most only dream of experiencing. This love was hers, too... his for me and mine for him... we loved her in this complete way, the only way we know how to love. She has lost that.
In her there is amazing beauty, but like a celebrated sculpture of a civilization long since gone, her beauty is marred by the years. Life hasn't been kind to her, and perhaps what we had to offer her was too much too soon. She does not see the worthiness I have seen... until she believes, there is little that can be done.
Forever is one of those words that's as wonderful as it is vicious. Forever he and I are bound to each other, linked by love that is endless and grows daily. Forever we have parted from her, no longer her lovers...
We are learning a new routine, a new rhythm. The dance has changed suddenly, and the things we shared and spoke are no longer appropriate to share and speak. As we awkwardly move from love to friendship, I can't help but wonder how long it will hurt so badly.
How long will I fight this grief that washes over me, often at unexpected times? I know that no matter how long it takes, he will pull me out time and time again. He will love me, and I will remain whole because of him.
I will always love her, whether or not she remains in our lives. I will always love him, and he will be by my side until the end of time. He is my comfort, my grace... he is all that is good in my life. He is all I've ever needed and more than I deserve.
I hold tightly to him at night, and as my eyes close, I am so glad, so grateful that I took the chance. I did not let fear or my wounded soul interfere, and I fought to keep him when it mattered most. I knew what I had found in him... and there was simply no way I'd ever let it go.
Day 60
A wash of red pain, and I'm twisting in my sleep
Brought to wakefulness by the agony
My eyes meet the relentless light of morning
With disdain and irritation
I turn the water on, and it is as hot as I can bear
As it pulses over tear stained cheeks,
I watch it funnel down the drain
Taking with it the sorrow of the morning
Brought to wakefulness by the agony
My eyes meet the relentless light of morning
With disdain and irritation
I turn the water on, and it is as hot as I can bear
As it pulses over tear stained cheeks,
I watch it funnel down the drain
Taking with it the sorrow of the morning
Day 59
The words I find are insignificant
when compared to the emotions I feel
I long to release the frustration, the sorrow, the bittersweet joy
But lack the eloquence to do so
I am made mute by these feelings...
so I drown in them, and find solace in comforting arms
And hope that today is the hardest of this process
That the healing will start soon, and the pain will start to ease
when compared to the emotions I feel
I long to release the frustration, the sorrow, the bittersweet joy
But lack the eloquence to do so
I am made mute by these feelings...
so I drown in them, and find solace in comforting arms
And hope that today is the hardest of this process
That the healing will start soon, and the pain will start to ease
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 58
Exhaustion is a heavy blanket
Wrapped around my aching body
My mind weary and overwhelmed by
Grief and fear of uncertainties to come
But in this night, he will wrap himself around me
My respite from the harshness of the unknown
Wrapped around my aching body
My mind weary and overwhelmed by
Grief and fear of uncertainties to come
But in this night, he will wrap himself around me
My respite from the harshness of the unknown
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 56
I am experimenting with poetic forms, which I've never done before (aside from the haiku it seems everyone must write at some point in school). This form is called a triolet, and this one is for my beloved husband, whom I could never thank enough.
I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace
Untouched by even the darkest night
I am aglow in love's pure light
And nothing else could be as right
As your gentle lips upon my face
I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace
I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace
Untouched by even the darkest night
I am aglow in love's pure light
And nothing else could be as right
As your gentle lips upon my face
I am aglow in love's pure light
Which I have found in your embrace
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