Grief comes in waves that wash over me. I am pulled down by the strength of this overwhelming pain. I gasp for air... his hands, strong and sure, reach for me and pull me free. We repeat this dance of sorrow again and again. It has only been two days. I (we) have lost so much.
I cry for what was, and for what could've been. I believed, and that belief was shattered.
She will love again, eventually, anew. I do not envy the process she will go through to get there, and yet... I will love her forever. There will be no one new for me.
But I have him, and all we share... the vastness, the beauty. The unadulterated joy found in hours of conversation, or of just being together. So, I do not need to love anew, for I love still, on a level most only dream of experiencing. This love was hers, too... his for me and mine for him... we loved her in this complete way, the only way we know how to love. She has lost that.
In her there is amazing beauty, but like a celebrated sculpture of a civilization long since gone, her beauty is marred by the years. Life hasn't been kind to her, and perhaps what we had to offer her was too much too soon. She does not see the worthiness I have seen... until she believes, there is little that can be done.
Forever is one of those words that's as wonderful as it is vicious. Forever he and I are bound to each other, linked by love that is endless and grows daily. Forever we have parted from her, no longer her lovers...
We are learning a new routine, a new rhythm. The dance has changed suddenly, and the things we shared and spoke are no longer appropriate to share and speak. As we awkwardly move from love to friendship, I can't help but wonder how long it will hurt so badly.
How long will I fight this grief that washes over me, often at unexpected times? I know that no matter how long it takes, he will pull me out time and time again. He will love me, and I will remain whole because of him.
I will always love her, whether or not she remains in our lives. I will always love him, and he will be by my side until the end of time. He is my comfort, my grace... he is all that is good in my life. He is all I've ever needed and more than I deserve.
I hold tightly to him at night, and as my eyes close, I am so glad, so grateful that I took the chance. I did not let fear or my wounded soul interfere, and I fought to keep him when it mattered most. I knew what I had found in him... and there was simply no way I'd ever let it go.
No comments:
Post a Comment