It began as a fantasy, in a dream world where boundaries are pushed and limits of expression are tested. It became a wild, passionate, heady frenzy. The crescendo grew, and new love was realized amongst the joy and certainty of love that had defied all odds and lasted many years. The cold chill of winter was barely felt as we were warmed by love so new, so unexpected and so magnificently beautiful.
The fantasy became a reality, in the cruel light of the real world. Her touch silken escape, her laughter light that lit the darkness. She became ours, and we became hers. Five glorious spring days... early April, so full of the promise of summer's glittering green.
We coexisted, the three of us, in the real world and in the dream one... where on bended knee, with him beside me, we asked her to be our bride. Our joy was overwhelming when she agreed. Vows were exchanged in this second life, but she was here beside us, part of our real lives. Rings shared by him and I were moved to our right hands, as the three of us pledged to love and cherish... and wore matching rings, with three diamonds, to symbolize what we shared. We dreamed of sharing the same magical moment in our real world... someday, when the time was right.
Spring became a glorious glow of rebirth, as it does year after year... but this was a sweeter spring, for we had dreams of making all the fantasies of our other world realities. We took the first step in this in May when being apart became unbearable, she came here to live.
We journeyed together, in so many ways... spring blossomed into summer, and summer faded into the gilded glow that is autumn. Like the change of seasons, our relationship changed. Like the beauty that can be seen in any season, there was beauty to be found. There was also sorrow, like the golden aspen leaves falling from the trees. There was fear, like that of driving on ice slicked roads.
Worse than fear, there was danger... danger that staying together would mean death to all we shared. Danger that would mean there could be no hope of spring's return, someday when the time was right.
With the heaviness of this burden upon us, we let her go. Glistening tears spilled down our faces... so much love still remains. Is it a mistake? To let someone go because you love them too much? When faced with the reality of risks so great... the reality of hurt and intentional pain where there had only been love and the desire to find happiness within each others' arms. I cannot believe we were wrong, but, oh how wrong it feels.
Empty canyons remain, cut by the rush of new love and joy, once so full of promise... but one cannot move backwards, and stagnant water can only become dark and dirty. When forward is no longer an option, the time has come to say the words that cut deeper than any river can.
Still, I think we all dream... of the possibilities of a new spring. Winter is never a permanent death. It is merely a cycle, part of a process. Spring will return, and so often it seems more magnificent than the one the preceeded. There is freedom in the blue of a crystal clear Colorado summer sky.
At night I see the stars... so many, that I could never count their shimmering lights. Beyond them, even more are hidden from my view. Dreams are not unlike the stars that dance in the night... that danced in her eyes during happier times. I long to see those stars again. I ache to recognize those dreams.
Time will pass, and the hurt will heal... but the love can never die completely, and this is why I know the horror of this ending is right. Love lives beneath the tears, beneath the frustrations and beneath the overwhelming sorrow. It does not hurt to lose that which we do not love.
So, perhaps someday, another spring will bloom for the three of us. For now, he is my anchor... for now he remains my constant partner. She remains the princess of my dreams and soul... and I will not give those dreams up easily, and will find comfort in the memories of her soft warmth, of her musical laughter.
The end of one novel does not mean a sequel won't be written... as the book closes on this fantasy made real, my heart remains open to more dreams. Make no mistake... she will be the only woman I dream of, for none could take her place, just as none could take his.
My heart is whole, and yet shattered. My love is all accounted for, and there is none to give to any other but the Two of Me.
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