Day 38

Dear Mother Nature,

Hi. Listen, about the weather... yes, I know I live at 9,000 feet. I recognize that it is December in the Rockies. I expect cold days, even especially cold days. However, it's been over a week now. Over a week where Every. Single. Day. has been below zero at some point is ridiculous. It is eight below. EIGHT. That is very cold. VERY. Do you hear me? It's really fucking cold!

I do not live in Minnesota or Alaska. I am not saying either of these places are bad places to live... but they expect it to be fucking cold. In Colorado, winter goes like this. We get snow. It melts in a day or less because it's sunny and reasonably warm during the day. At night, it may be very cold, but not usually below ZERO.

Look, I don't know if you've heard about this thing called global warming, but uh... IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COLD. Damn it.

My poor dogs go outside and their little feet are so cold they come in limping with ice balls stuck to their little feet from the snow that can't MELT BECAUSE IT IS SO DAMN COLD!!!!

I'm sure you're very busy and all (see the aforementioned global warming thing), but when you get around to it (SOON), please give us some nice, warm weather. I'm not talking crazy warm... I'll settle for the freakin' forties by day.

Okay. That's all. Thanks.

~J.W.

Day 37

All For Believing (Missy Higgins)

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,
Drop your defences and come, into my arms.
I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing.

I’m all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within.

I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I, I see you’ve painted your soul into your guard,
I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you; I need to find the key to let me in, into your heart, to find your soul.

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,
Drop your defences and come, into my arms.


I’m all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within,
And say you will be there for me to hold, when the faith grows old and life turns cold, when the faith grows old, and life turns cold.
So if you’re cold I will stay, maybe fate will guide the way. I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be,
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Trust in me.


The anger comes in waves that bring with them tears of sorrow and loss. Lies, stupid, inconsequential lies... except not inconsequential because they tainted everything. Memories wrapped in sweetness and questions. Answers are scarce. Love could've been enough... but wasn't. Trust wasn't there, and not in the way I thought mattered most. My fears, my reluctance to trust were minimal when compared to hers. So afraid we could not accept her for who she was, she was blinded to the light of realization. We saw her. She didn't see us, and didn't believe our love for her would withstand honesty, when all we ever needed was honesty from her.

So much love, and it's overwhelming to not be able to give it to her now. I channel it into creative energy. I give even more love to him. He has been my one true thing for nearly eleven years. I know he is there for me, and I know he needs me to be there for him. His love is my anchor, and I hope I can give him this comfort and peace when all the world is in chaos around us.

Our open ended break up left me with hope, as is evidenced by the song posted above. I listened to that song nearly every day until Saturday, when the door closed tightly to hope for Us in the future.


The anger comes in waves, and is met with sadness that seems infinite. The tears burn my eyes and wet my pillow as I cry myself to sleep, remembering how she'd grab hold of my hand and wrap my arm around herself when she came to bed after working at night. I move closer to him, and find comfort in that... yet even while comforted, the vast empty space she once occupied seems to mock me. Sheets cool that once were warmed by her sweet sleep are mine for the taking... but I do not want that space. I want the middle, and never again shall I have it.

Day 36

Removed for personal reasons

Day 35

Removed for personal reasons.

Day 34

Sometimes, I just want to scream. That's all.

The End.

Day 33

I battle thoughts that only
take me up, then push me down
I ultimately come full circle
A romantic merry-go-round


Emotions catapult me to new heights,
of tears and broken dreams
But plummet with another breath
A roller coaster of silent screams

I can't escape the tilt-a-whirl
this breakup has become
But oh, how I still love the girl...
A fantasy undone

Day 32

Words are bitter on my tongue
Not unlike the gin I drink to
Wash the memories away

Dreams fade with each drop
Replaced by hazy memories
And echoes of distant laughter

Tears spill as the cup knocks over
And fades words of love
The colors blurring like a summer sunset