Day 37

All For Believing (Missy Higgins)

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,
Drop your defences and come, into my arms.
I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing.

I’m all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within.

I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I, I see you’ve painted your soul into your guard,
I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you; I need to find the key to let me in, into your heart, to find your soul.

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,
Drop your defences and come, into my arms.


I’m all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within,
And say you will be there for me to hold, when the faith grows old and life turns cold, when the faith grows old, and life turns cold.
So if you’re cold I will stay, maybe fate will guide the way. I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be,
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Just believe. (we're meant to be)
Trust in me.


The anger comes in waves that bring with them tears of sorrow and loss. Lies, stupid, inconsequential lies... except not inconsequential because they tainted everything. Memories wrapped in sweetness and questions. Answers are scarce. Love could've been enough... but wasn't. Trust wasn't there, and not in the way I thought mattered most. My fears, my reluctance to trust were minimal when compared to hers. So afraid we could not accept her for who she was, she was blinded to the light of realization. We saw her. She didn't see us, and didn't believe our love for her would withstand honesty, when all we ever needed was honesty from her.

So much love, and it's overwhelming to not be able to give it to her now. I channel it into creative energy. I give even more love to him. He has been my one true thing for nearly eleven years. I know he is there for me, and I know he needs me to be there for him. His love is my anchor, and I hope I can give him this comfort and peace when all the world is in chaos around us.

Our open ended break up left me with hope, as is evidenced by the song posted above. I listened to that song nearly every day until Saturday, when the door closed tightly to hope for Us in the future.


The anger comes in waves, and is met with sadness that seems infinite. The tears burn my eyes and wet my pillow as I cry myself to sleep, remembering how she'd grab hold of my hand and wrap my arm around herself when she came to bed after working at night. I move closer to him, and find comfort in that... yet even while comforted, the vast empty space she once occupied seems to mock me. Sheets cool that once were warmed by her sweet sleep are mine for the taking... but I do not want that space. I want the middle, and never again shall I have it.