Day Fifteen

Dear Kaity,

Today you are 18, and I just cannot believe that. I don't know how you grew up so fast. I feel like it was just moments ago that I was babysitting you while mommy worked and tugging your ponytail - and telling you it was my Pet Pony. You'd giggle and it just lit up my world to make you laugh.

You have not had an easy few years. I know that you're facing some major challenges ahead, too. Just for today, though. I want you to not think about the past and not worry about the future. Today is a day to celebrate your life. Given how close you've come to losing it over the past few years, it is a major celebration.

I love you so much. I hope you know how much you mean to me... how much I will always love you, no matter what. I have refused to give up on you and have spent most of your life fighting for you. Do you know why? Your very existence saved mine. I was lost when I found out mommy was having you. You were born, this perfect, tiny person... and you needed me. You needed me to be strong and to fight for you. I gained courage and strength through your very existence.

I have loved you like my own child, and I have loved you like my sister. This has created an interesting dynamic in our relationship... but for the most part, it's been a positive thing for both of us.

I miss you every single day. My walls are covered in your pictures, and when I see your face smiling at me, I just miss you that much more... but it also makes me happy to see that smile, especially knowing your smiles have been fewer and further between these past few years.

I hope you know how special you are... and not just to me. You matter to a lot of people, and especially to that baby you will have next year. Your life is going to change dramatically, and I will be there as much as I can be to talk to you when you're scared or lost. I am always here for you, not matter the distance between us.

I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. I'm gonna have a Halloween cupcake and think of you all day long.

I wish you a year of joy, peace and hope. I wish you a lifetime of these things...

Happy birthday, little sister.

Love,
Jessie